People ask me this a lot:
What even is a coach?
Fair question. It is one of those words that gets used for everything from “person who asks excellent questions” to “some bro on LinkedIn yelling about 5am ice baths and passive income”. No wonder people are confused.
At its best, coaching is a structured conversation that helps you think more clearly, understand yourself better, and decide what you want to do next.
Not because the coach has a magic answer hidden in a little velvet pouch.
What Coaching Is
A coach is a trained professional who helps you explore what is going on, what you want, what is getting in the way, and what you might do next to sort your shit out.
Coaching is usually:
- Led by your agenda.
- Focused on your thinking, choices and next steps.
- Built around questions, reflection and challenge.
- Practical enough to turn insight into action.
- Supportive without simply agreeing with everything you say.
You bring the messy work/life/career knot. The coach helps you stop yanking at it randomly and start seeing the threads.
That might mean working through a difficult stakeholder relationship, a new management role, wondering if you might be neurodivergent and what that means, a confidence wobble, burnout, promotion, conflict, communication, career direction, or the horrible creeping feeling of “is it me, or is this place absolutely ridiculous?”
How Can a Coach Help?
Coaching can help when you are capable, but stuck.
That distinction matters. Coaching is not about someone swooping in because you are broken. You are not a malfunctioning toaster. You may simply be dealing with a complicated situation, a broken system, a new level of responsibility, or a pattern you have not had enough space to understand yet.
Coaching can support you with things like:
- Leadership development
- Becoming a new manager
- Navigating career transitions or role changes
- Handling difficult conversations
- Managing up, sideways and down
- Building confidence and self-awareness
- Recovering after a rough workplace or bad manager
- Understanding your needs, boundaries and working patterns
- Deciding whether to stay, leave, push, pause or burn it all down metaphorically
What coaching is not
Coaching is not therapy. It can be emotionally useful, but it is not mental health treatment.
Coaching is not diagnosis. A coach cannot tell you whether you are autistic, ADHD, traumatised, depressed, anxious or anything else that belongs with an appropriate medical or clinical professional. They can help you explore what you are noticing, what support might help, and what questions you may want to take elsewhere.
Coaching is not someone simply telling you what to do. If you want direct advice from someone with experience in your field, you may be looking for mentoring, consulting, training or a blend.
Coaching is also not motivational wallpaper. You should leave with more than “believe in yourself” and a Canva quote. You should leave thinking more clearly and feeling empowered rather than lost.
Coaching vs. Mentoring: What’s the Difference?
Coaching and mentoring overlap, but they are not the same thing.
Coaching sounds more like:
“What do you want here, really?”
“What are you assuming?”
“What would change if you trusted your own read of the situation?”
“What is yours to carry, and what belongs to the system, the role, or someone else’s nonsense?”
Mentoring sounds more like:
“Here is what I have seen work in this situation.”
“When I was in a similar role, this is the trap I fell into.”
“This is how I would think about that stakeholder/team/promotion conversation.”
“Here are a few options, and here is what each one might cost you.”
Some people, including me, blend both.
In a session, I might coach you through the question underneath the question. Then, if it is appropriate and with your permission, I might also say, “Here is something from my experience that might help”. The important thing is that you know which mode we are in, and that the session is still about your life and insights, not my backstory.
When coaching might be useful
You might benefit from coaching if:
- You are newly responsible for people and do not want to wing it with other people’s careers.
- You are technically capable but struggling with the people, politics or power bits of work.
- You keep being told you are doing well, but you feel exhausted, invisible or weirdly unsafe.
- You are wondering whether you might be neurodivergent and want help making sense of your patterns.
- You are done being the highest performer and the most overlooked.
- You are facing a decision and cannot hear yourself think over everyone else’s expectations.
- You want support from someone outside your company who does not have a stake in the politics.
What happens in a session?
Every coach works differently, but a good session usually gives you a mix of space, structure and challenge.
You might bring:
- A specific situation you need to untangle.
- A decision you are avoiding.
- A relationship at work that has become difficult.
- A role change, promotion or confidence wobble.
- A pattern you keep repeating and do not understand yet.
The coach will ask questions, reflect things back, challenge assumptions, notice patterns and help you turn vague fog into something more workable.
You may leave with an action. You may leave with a question to sit with. You may leave realising that the thing you thought was the problem is actually just the loudest symptom.
All of these can be useful.
What are the logistics?
Coaching is usually a paid service, often reflecting the coach’s qualifications, experience, preparation and the responsibility of holding that kind of space well.
Sessions are often around an hour. Some people book one session for a specific knotty problem. Others book a small bundle, because three sessions can give you enough time to get into the mess, try something in real life, and come back with what happened.
Many coaches work online. Some work in person. Some meet weekly, fortnightly or monthly depending on the situation.
Most coaches offer an initial conversation before you commit, because fit matters. You should feel safe enough to be honest, but not so comfortable that nobody ever challenges you.
How to choose a coach
Look for someone who:
- Has relevant training, experience or both.
- Can explain how they work without hiding behind jargon.
- Understands the kind of context you are navigating.
- Has boundaries around what coaching can and cannot do.
- Makes you feel respected, not sold to.
- Has a style you can actually work with.
And yes, vibe matters. You are allowed to pick someone who gets you. If you are queer, neurodivergent, disabled, a woman in tech, a new manager, burned out, furious, confused, ambitious, tired or all of the above, it is reasonable to want someone who does not need a 40-minute preamble before they understand the shape of the room.
So, why get a coach?
Because sometimes you need a place where your work, power, fear, ambition, confidence, identity and absolute “wtf is happening?” can all be in the room at the same time.
Because you are allowed support before everything is on fire.
Because being capable does not mean doing everything alone.
And, frankly, because sometimes the most useful thing in the world is having someone in your corner who can say, with care and precision: “You are not broken. Now let’s look at what is actually going on.”
If that sounds like the kind of support you need, you can read more about working with me as your coach.
